By Adonica Brereton of PositivExpert
In this day and age when everyone has a sex tape or a strategic wardrobe malfunction, intimacy is so hard to define.
The month of love, those of us who are in a relationship and those who want a relationship, here’s our definition of intimacy.
1. Does the person listen to you?
What I learned in graduate school is that the human mind CAN NOT do several things at once well. So if your significant other is watching the game and flipping between the latest issue of GQ and you are talking. He isn’t listening to you.
2. Does the person balance taking you out to wanting to spend time alone?
I dated this one dude we went all over, with his friends and everything seemed OK, however when I suggested that we take it down a notch and spend some quality time alone. He “sure we can do that after next month, when I get my membership to a prestigious country club.” We weren’t even “legal” and he was treating me as trophy wife.
3. Does the person value work over you?
Positive story, I did date another guy who had a high pressured job, one day I asked if I could come over his place, that day was rough for me. He put all his calls on hold, didn’t check e-mail not once, I fell asleep in his bed in his arms–no frisky stuff. When I woke up and he had dinner ready and not one mention of his business calls or anything.
4. Is this person secure?
Is this person your biggest cheerleader when you get a promotion, book or TV deal, or does this person show jealousy.
I found out that most people are great at encouraging one another, but very few people, are elated when their significant other achieves goals or surpasses them in anyway.
One person I happen to reconnect with he asked me out to dinner, then he wanted to know what I was up to, at the time I was in grad school–(I wasn’t impressed with it because I wanted to be writing and putting on comedy shows.)
He got annoyed, then over time he became verbally abusive, everything was “I make $$$ and I don’t have a college degree or a graduate degree.” Yes, I ran for the hills!
Security in a man and women shows a high level of trust and builds on intimacy.
5. Does this person appreciate you in all stages?
Does this person compliment you when you just woke up with no make up, blow outs and no shower. Just the same does he compliment you when you look your best. A balanced person who is truly intimate with you does both.
6. Lastly, the key to a good intimate relationship is RESPECT!
Anyone who doesn’t respect themselves, would not respect his environment–people who work for and with him, his immediate family, or you. A lot of people think I am dumb because I rarely speak; that’s because I observe and listen more than I speak. In certain cases I have observed men who have good jobs, but have no respect for themselves, and in turn say the most off color mean spirited things to people.
As we continue our love series, keep this as a check list in finding that special someone.
Cheers to real intimacy!